I remember the moment I realized that I needed to truly love myself if I ever wanted to fully show up in the world with my gifts.
It was the moment he told me that he wanted to break up with me.
In a desperate need to ease my pain and feel in control, I grabbed two mason jars on the table nearby and shattered them on the ground.
The first one. BAM.
The second one. BAM.
That night I was forced to confront the fact that there was no amount of love he could ever give me to help me feel whole again, and that for me to fully serve people with my gifts the way I knew I was meant to, I needed to patch that void inside with tons of my own love.
My life had been a trail of not giving myself permission to be me. Somewhere along the trail of an alcoholic father, bullying from mean girls in middle school, and growing up in a superficial, materialistic city (Miami, I love you, but we just weren't made for one another), I decided that I wasn't good enough for the world. I spent so much of my childhood seeking to be someone I wasn't, and desperately trying to hide the parts of myself that I thought were unacceptable.
For me to filly live my mission at that time of supporting women to heal and cultivate radical self-compassion, I knew my old way of being wasn't going to cut it and that my gift of healing would be severely stunted until I walked my talk by healing my own void. That meant that I needed to fully embrace who I am - messy AF human and all, if I ever wanted to FULLY answer that calling to serve that I felt so deeply.
Inspired by my pain, I spent the next month intentionally cultivating who I needed to be to fully show up in the world (a resilient, loved woman). Literally, I committed to being LOVED every day for 40 days straight through an experimental project that I created.
I was hesitant to make a 40-day commitment, but I knew I needed that kind of energetic investment to level up so I could be more whole and complete in myself. So I did it. I began a journey of 40 days of being who I needed to be to fully show up for my current and future clients. For me that looked like 40 days of being loved.
I wasn't perfectly on point every day, but over time that intention watered a seed inside me that was always there, but that was small, and unattended to - the seed of being a loved woman.
I believe that "we are not human beings having a spiritual experience," but that "we are spiritual beings having a human experience," quoting Pierre Teilhard de Chardin. That means that intrinsically we already have everything we need inside of us to be fulfilled, content, and loved, and it just takes some intention to bring up those qualities from under the surface.
By the end of that 40 day project, I actually knew what it meant to feel a sense of wholeness. I felt like I was blooming.
I quickly attracted another man into my life who I felt incredibly loved by, but honestly it was too soon, and that turned into another mess (story for another time), but I came out at the end just four months later feeling so empowered from my own inner resilience that I facilitated a 6-week self-love seminar for 6 other women.
To fully show up in the world with my gifts was the most empowering experience of my life.
With the incompleteness I felt half a year prior, I could never have done that before. When I didn't have my own support, it would have been too risky, too terrifying to show up in front of a group of 6 women expecting a transformative experience.
But I did, and the pain I had experienced help me to serve them all in an even deeper way.
I've discovered that our own feelings of brokenness and inadequacy are actually our greatest strengths, giving us the DEEP understanding compassion to help others heal and feel less alone in the world.
What I also realized was that intention goes a long way. That we can give a little intention, each day, to cultivating whoever it is we need to be in order to fully show up in the world with our gifts, and that by watering that seed a little bit every day, we can easily bloom into our highest selves.
It just takes a choice. A committed choice to be who we love, and water that seed with intention each day.
Today, facilitating radical self-acceptance for rising leaders from the inside-out is definitely my gift. It is incredibly fulfilling to fully show up in the world in a way that makes a meaningful impact on others.
I know what it feels like to have such a burning desire to serve, and yet to feel so covered by fear and self-doubt. I also know what it feels like to intentionally rise about that.
So inspired by the impact that 40-day project had on me, I’ve created a similar experience for you.
The Bloom by Being You Project is a free 21-day experience to empower healers, creatives, and social solopreneurs to intentionally BE who they need to be to fully show up in the world with their gifts.
This project is ideal for people who know it in their bones that they are meant to serve in some meaningful way, who trust the power of their gifts, and who feel ready to use some daily intention to take their power back from the fear, insecurity, and self-doubt that have been clouding their way for long enough.